Tuesday, May 3, 2011

It has been so LONG!

Hello loyal subjects. I have not posted on my beloved blog since 2010, I have been in better hiding than Osama it would seem. He's dead. Much has happened since I last made my presence known but that is neither here nor there. What is important is that Gears 3: The Beta is amazing, and we have a summer of blockbusters to look forward to. Especially everything with Johnny Depp and Shia LeTerrible. I specifically refer to Transformers and Pirates, because they are both going to be terrible and the studios have drained these two franchises like a fat baby feeding on an anorexic woman's teats. Listen I understand that 86.3% of American movie-goers are easily entertained morons but don't trick them into spending their recession earned money. You wouldn't kick a blind baby seal in the face would you? Would you?

I see Thor on Thursday and I am looking so forward to it. The acting and directing are two areas that i am expecting to be strong. I need it to start off the Summer right, well Summer in movie seasons. Fast Five was obviously so terrible, I mean except for the Rock's ability to not be robotic. I love the Rock as much as the next wrestlingphile, but he was so bad in this movie it shocked me. I couldn't believe that he was allowed to do such a terrible job. If any of us go to work and do a terrible job, on purpose, we would get written up and maybe demoted. He keeps finding work, and this won't deter future employers, i.e. studios, from hiring him. It is a crazy world we live in when people who are completely incapable of doing their job make more than 65% of the people in Africa put together, except for the savannah tribesman. It is much more lucrative than you think, herding sheep and fighting leopards with spears and poverty. Point is Fast Five was not good, Paul Walker is a cheese dick and I was entertained the whole damn time. I was. Justin Lin, the director, filmed it well, the audio was superb and the acting was horrendous. Best part of the movie was the obvious fight between Vin Diesel and Mr. The Rock.

We have some big movies coming out in the Summer, finally I am sick of animated frogs and Brazilian birds. Who honestly gives an animated rat's ass about these filler movies. Pixar of course is amazing and anything that they do is not filler but blockbuster. Rio?! who cares? Not this guy, with the two thumbs. I have missed all of you, my beautiful followers and I am back!

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